I leverage 18+ years in Stanford tech to help emerging leaders think strategically, build influence, and execute with confidence, so you’re seen, heard and valued where it matters most.
I hear this from my clients all the time:
“I’m doing this for the team.”
“It’s about helping the organization move forward.”
“I just want to make an impact.”
And I believe them. These leaders are motivated by purpose.
But when we peel back the layers—when we get honest—the underlying motivation is often this:
“I hope they see how good I am.”
“I hope I nailed it.”
“I hope I proved myself.”
Sound familiar? It doesn’t mean you’re self-centered. It means you’re human.
Here’s the shift that changes everything: When your “why” shifts from proving to serving, everything starts to unlock.
➡️ You stop over-editing your voice.
➡️ You stop performing in rooms you’ve already earned your seat in.
➡️ You stop chasing gold stars that were never yours to begin with.
And the irony? You actually become a better leader.
➡️ You lead with more presence.
➡️ You write with more resonance.
➡️ You connect with more clarity.
➡️ You move from actor to director.
From performing leadership… to owning it.
✅ 3 Ways to Shift from Proving to Serving
1. Ask Yourself: Who is this really for?
When I joined a new organization last year, the familiar urge to prove myself resurfaced, something I was actively trying to move away from.
New role. New expectations. New stage. The old habit of performing was tempting. Instead, I decided: What if I focused on others?
Before any meetings, I’d glance at a sticky note taped to my laptop: Connect. Serve. Pause.
That simple reminder helped me lead from service, not performance. I started focusing less on “getting it right” and more on making others feel seen, heard, and supported. Not overnight. But steadily.
And as I did, I noticed a shift in my tone, my presence, even how I typed in Slack threads. That’s what happens when you stop proving and start serving. You show up differently, and people feel it.
2. Make it easier for them, not more impressive for you
You're preparing a leadership update. The familiar urge? Share everything — every detail, all the data, proof of your team's effort. But pause and ask: What do I want them to walk away with?
Start with the end in mind.
Instead of showcasing the work, focus on what the audience needs to know, do, or decide. Imagine the meeting just ended — what three things do you want them to remember?
For example, instead of a data-heavy presentation, you might distill it down to:
- Key Insight: Our new marketing campaign is driving a 15% increase in leads in key demographics.
- Call to Action: We need cross-functional alignment to scale this campaign in Q3.
- Decision Needed: Please come prepared to discuss resource allocation in our next leadership meeting.
When you lead with outcomes, you cut through the noise. You trade thoroughness for clarity.
Because service isn’t about delivering all the facts — it’s about removing friction so others can move forward.
3. Measure the impact, not the applause
You wrap up a call. No feedback. No "Great job."
Old you might spiral into:
“Did I talk too much?”
“Did I miss something?”
“Did they like me?”
New you asks:
“Did they leave with more clarity?”
“Did I support what they needed?”
That’s the shift from “Was I impressive?” to “Was I useful?”
If you’re used to performing, service might feel invisible at first. Like, your value isn’t being seen. Here’s the paradox:
You become most powerful when you stop trying to be impressive.
You listen differently.
You lead differently.
You connect more deeply.
And the people around you?
They don’t see less of you, they see more.
Curious what this shift will look like in your own leadership?
I work with high-achieving professionals who want to stop chasing validation and start leading with intention. If this resonated, try asking yourself today: “What would change if this wasn’t about me?” Then take one small step in that direction. If this resonated, I would love to hear from you. Send me a message.
BONUS: Are You Truly Heard, Seen, and Valued at Work?
Feeling like your contributions aren’t fully recognized? This quick self-audit will help you assess where you stand, uncover hidden gaps, and identify the key steps to increase your influence, get noticed, and advance your career.. Answer these 10 questions honestly, and use your insights to take actionable steps toward greater visibility, influence, and recognition.